Stillbirths are unfortunately not uncommon. Again and again, doctors have to explain to expectant parents that they cannot hear the child's heartbeat. A situation that is incredibly difficult to process and cope with.
How is a stillbirth defined?
If it is determined after the 22nd week of pregnancy that the child has no more heartbeat and the birth weight is at least 500 grams, it is called a stillbirth. The “star child” can be given a name; an entry in the death register also follows.
Children who die before the 22nd week of pregnancy and have a birth weight of less than 500 grams are miscarriages. However, parents have the right to have their star children entered in a death register.
Unexpected or with signs: when it comes to stillbirth
Bleeding, lack of movement in the child, or abdominal pain can be the first clues that something is wrong with the growing fetus. As part of the ultrasound examination, there is a sad certainty - the child is dead. But there need not always be signs.
Often everything goes according to plan before the doctor determines during the ultrasound examination that the child is no longer moving. Occasionally, a severe disability can be diagnosed, which leads to the need to initiate a fetocide - the planned killing of the child - because the child is unable to survive. In the end, all scenarios end with the sad certainty that the beloved baby must be born dead.
Causes of stillbirth
The question of why the child died torments all parents. An answer is often important for the grieving process and also the processing; in many cases, parents cannot conclude with the death of the unborn child until they know the cause and cause. There are many reasons.
Disturbances or circulatory disorders of the placenta, premature detachment of the placenta or a lack of oxygen, infections, and inadequate supply via the umbilical cord are possible. Child malformations can also ensure that the child has to be born dead. Answering the question of why the child died can also help plan subsequent pregnancies.
The "silent birth"
The "silent birth" describes a very special delivery. If a mother brings her child “quietly” into the world, the cry of the newborn is absent. If the child dies in the womb, you can either wait until labor begins or it is also possible to induce labor artificially. As part of the “silent birth”, the parents are looked after by doctors and obstetricians and accompanied during this difficult time.
Only in a few cases are dead children delivered by caesarean section (for example, if the amniotic sac has burst or there are severe infections). Even if the “silent birth” is perceived as an “abnormal delivery”, frightened or irritated, the process makes it easier to say goodbye to the dead child.
Finally, the parents have the opportunity to say goodbye to their child, can hold it in their arms and also - as a souvenir - take photos. Hand or footprints are also possible and can be kept as memories.
Postpartum after stillbirth
Whether “silent birth” or caesarean section - after the stillbirth comes the puerperium and a difficult time, which not only the mother but also the father has to go through. The body does not know the difference between a live or a still birth and begins with the after-labor; milk production also begins.
During this time, midwives are the first point of contact. They help with physical as well as mental problems and provide helpful information about possible post-natal training courses that are only attended by women who have suffered a stillbirth. Midwives also know how to stop milk production and can also give advice on how to better deal with grief.
Saying goodbye: which ritual is best?
It is important that parents, siblings and relatives say goodbye. Whether in the clinic or directly in the funeral home - saying goodbye helps with the mourning process. The dead child can either be buried in the family grave or in a child's own grave. Burial as well as cremation are possible; the child can also be buried outside the cemetery, for example as part of a funeral at sea or in a tree grave.
Mourning period after stillbirth - help with processing
Everyone, whether mother, father, siblings, relatives or friends, who looked forward to the child, grieve after learning that the baby had to be brought into the world dead. But every person grieves differently and for himself. Whether in silence, with tears, with loud wailing or with a retreat for several days - in the end it is important to give yourself enough time to grieve and come to terms with what you have experienced. Then it is also easier to look forward again.
Professional help should also be sought during this time. So-called grief counseling helps to cope better with the loss. Various self-help groups are also available to help so that the grief can be processed at the end. Couples not only have to cope with the loss, they also have to get over the situation together.
It is important that each other is open and honest and that the type of mourning - if there are sometimes differences - is accepted. Only when both partners can grieve can the process be completed and possibly both can also get involved in a subsequent pregnancy. If the woman gives birth to a healthy child after a stillbirth, one speaks of the “follow-up miracle”.
