The compulsion of perfection: When perfectionism makes you unhappy

Perfectionism is compulsive behaviorwhich leaves no room for error. It is a burden for both the environment and those affected. Even if you try, you can't stop it. Often fears or inferiority complexes are hidden behind it. Perfectionists cannot act spontaneously and must carefully plan each of their actions. For them, mistakes mean failure and the high standards apply not only to themselves, but to everyone who lives with them.

Compulsive Personality Disorder: Obsessed with Perfection

There are certainly situations in which you have to work perfectly. These include surgical interventions or work in a space probe. These are factual necessities that do not allow errors. On the other hand, compulsive acts characterized by a hidden addiction for recognition and fear of loss are not necessary. If Perfectionism is so pronounced that it makes the person concerned unhappy, there is talk of a pathological condition.

These people themselves distrust the normal processes of everyday life and have to control them themselves under all circumstances. The ego demands control and in this way wants to prevent any externality. Compulsive behavior includes, for example, folding items of laundry or making lists of all kinds.

The shirt is processed until it corresponds exactly to the dimensions of the other items of laundry. On the lists, perfectionists note what they absolutely have to do during the day or during the week. They occupy themselves with these things until they are satisfied with themselves. They often criticize their counterpart if they don't work according to the same scheme.

In most cases, this causes trouble. In professional life, those affected always check with their superiors whether they are satisfied with their work. Since they keep correcting themselves, they work more slowly than their colleagues. If they are asked about it, they do not understand the criticism. On the contrary. You feel misunderstood and are very insecure.

Am i a perfectionist?

There is no general answer to the question of whether someone is a perfectionist. However, a few facts point to the tendency towards perfectionism. First of all, there is the inability to delegate activities to others. It's not just like that at work. It also includes mothers who do all the housework themselves. They think that their husband or children are not doing the chores properly.

When doing sport, they always want to be the best and are annoyed when they are only second or third. Playing with them is difficult as they cannot lose. Even then, their suffering shows up in the compulsion to always have to win. The high demands on oneself are also reflected in the relationship to one's own body.

If this does not do justice to the expectations, eating disorders and impairments in sex life occur. There is no sense of wellbeing because the exterior is not designed perfectly. Excessive exercise and starvation diets are the consequences of this.

Perfection doesn't make you happier

Nobody is perfect. This applies both to the church princes of the various religions and to people with less responsibility. Everyone has their own lovable qualities. The supposed mistakes make them an individual and only that distinguishes them as people. Those who strive for perfection defy natural conditions.

Being allowed to make mistakes is by no means indicative of weakness. The opposite is the case. A person shows greatness only when he admits an alleged wrongdoing. At the same time it proves that he is only human and therefore not perfect. Happiness is a state to be worked for. Often superficial people see it in the context of financial independence.

Perfectionists are not satisfied with that. Their life planning has to be perfect. It starts with buying your own home and ends with the gender of your children. As soon as they are faced with an extraordinary event, reality catches up with them and, in many cases, despair of it.

Perfectionists are highly stressed and many expect those around them to act just like they do. This often leads to differences of opinion within the family and the workplace. Parents who want to be perfect in raising their children work with pressure.

They expect their offspring to behave flawlessly at all times. Often they use it to satisfy their own ego and neglect casual interactions within the family. If the children show their own will and their supposed mistakes and deficiencies, then a world collapses for perfectionists.

You are unhappy and you doubt yourself. It's like a spiral that turns inexorably when help is not sought. The dissatisfaction continues in the children and there are no positive reinforcers on either side.

What you can do about perfectionism

The first step to abandon your perfectionism is to recognize the disease. It is difficult to see you as such and that can often only be done with professional help. Small exercises that automatically flow into everyday life over time also help. The perfect housewife can force herself to stop cleaning the windows weekly or vacuuming every day.

You should deliberately refrain from doing this. How difficult it is for everyone can only be felt by those affected. In professional life, it helps if the work that has been started is left behind and no overtime is worked. If there are important things to do, some can also be done by employees or colleagues.

It is also good practice to play Monopoly with your children and lose in the process. Yes, that too distinguishes a person. To be happy with others and not to be angry about your own "failure". This continues in football clubs or bowling clubs and is well received by other people. You will soon notice that the former perfectionist is working on himself and supporting him in his project.

Dealing with him becomes easier and he himself becomes more satisfied. It is important, however, that the desire to abandon the compulsive actions does not culminate in perfectionism. A lot of patience is required here. The disease did not develop in a day and neither does it end in this short period of time.

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Happiness lies in serenity

Happiness is a relative term. Everyone has their own feeling about it. This does not mean the full bank account or the big house. To rest in oneself and to go one's own way with a lot of serenity, that is happiness. In doing so, being mindful of your neighbors and also admitting mistakes to them, brings about calm within every relationship. Yes, it is peace with yourself and your loved ones that makes you happy.