Couples therapy

In most long-term relationships, there are crises that a couple has to deal with. If you cannot solve problems on your own, it makes sense to seek professional help in the form of a Couples therapy pick up.

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is psychological work in which a couple is supported in coming to terms with their conflicts and resolving them.

As Couples therapy is a term used to describe psychological work in which a couple is supported in dealing with and resolving their conflicts. In Germany it is closely related to marriage counseling.

Both are non-medical activities. Pastors, psychologists and social pedagogues mainly work in couples therapy or marriage counseling. Most of the time we work with both partners, but sometimes also individually.

Function, effect & goals

A Couple counseling makes sense when a couple does not manage to solve their problems satisfactorily together, but both partners want to work on their relationship.

Relationship problems are stressful for both partners and in the worst case can make you sick and lead to depression. The goal of couples therapy does not always have to be to maintain a relationship; sometimes it can also be appropriate to accompany the couple to a mutually acceptable separation. One of the most important prerequisites for successful couples therapy is the knowledge of both partners that it is not one of the two who is to blame for the crisis.

There are different application methods in couples therapy:

In the psychoanalytic process it is assumed that one or both partners have neurotic tendencies. The psychotherapist Jürg Willi speaks of collusion, e.g. B. a partner is narcissistic and wants to be admired, the partner admires and idealizes him. Such commitments can always become problematic when a partner is reduced to this behavior and suffers from it.

Both humanistic procedure especially plays the Pair synthesis by Michael Cöllen a role. The central thesis is that love and imtimacy are created early in life and that an intimate and emotional bond is an important cornerstone for personal development, especially with regard to the love and conflict dynamics of a couple. In the therapy, narcissistic disorders in the couple dynamics should be revealed and dealt with and intimacy on the various levels of body, feeling, soul, language and time should be promoted and love should be understood as a meaning and life orientation.

In the Multi-generation therapy the cause of the couple conflicts is suspected in the families of origin. It is believed that there is a recurring basic conflict over several generations that catches up with the couple. Central terms in multigenerational therapy are loyalty, delegation and contradicting orders from the families of origin.

The systemic couples therapy deals with the question of which "circular processes" maintain the couple conflict and differentiates between the level of behavior, the behavioral patterns and the construction of reality. Important terms in systemic couples therapy are circularity, reframing, neutrality, solution and resource orientation and positive connotation.

The communication psychological therapy aims to improve communication between partners so that they understand each other better. John Gottman names 4 Apocalytic Horsemen as typical communication traps in a relationship:

• Criticism, finger pointing, accusations
• Defense and Justification
• Contempt and contempt
• Walls, retreat

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Risks, dangers & special information

A risk of a Couples therapy is the possibility that at the end of therapy there may be a separation.

Couples therapy can help expose conflicts and communication patterns, but it cannot mend a relationship. If there is not enough love in the partners, couples therapy cannot help either. Couples therapy is also not there to fundamentally change one of the partners so that they become more “fit for a relationship”.

The psychotherapist Wolfgang Schmidbauer considers the endurance and endurance of differences between the two partners to be the most important characteristics in a couple relationship. Couples therapy can be expensive depending on the time required, as couples therapies are not covered by the health insurers. Side effects can be that both partners change in couple therapy, which in turn can mean a new challenge for the relationship.